Being On The Same Kind Of Wave

I’m a water lover and I often think in tides and currents. Sitting with a dear friend recently, I realized we’re riding very different waters. She’s reached a sun-warmed bay, after decades of work and parenting behind her, floating in and out with soft ease. I’m on a different run, kind of like a river with class-V stretches and brief eddies to catch my breath. I’m mothering a tween, working full time, building projects, still bailing after old storms. 

As a coach, I see how much this matters when choosing who to love and be loved by. Some waterways harmonize, while others don’t, at least not right now. There’s no blame in the waters not mixing well, just different currents, rides and waves to catch. Talking about the kinds of waves, rivers, rapids, streams, bays, inlets you are on while dating is an important part of exploring if you can ride the current well together.

And how beautiful it is to be able to honor the wave you’re on – to really claim it as your own. And be with people who can handle your kind of rapids, who won’t shame you for not bobbing in a bay, who hand you a dry bag and cheer from the bank. If you’re in a floaty or have your back stretched out on a noodle in warm water, it’s okay to choose someone who can float beside you, no need to tether yourself to every craft that drifts through. Some boats are for friendship, while mixed water craft can work with clear pacing, shared expectations, and kind boundaries.

As a way to honor yourself, really take a moment to consider what water you are in, what kind of water craft or crafts you’re maneuvering, and who rides well beside you right now. To be able to filter in and filter out that which would most support you with a safe and comfortable rhythm and ride is one of the gifts you can give yourself.